The prompt I had to chose from didn’t inspire me this time. So, I went with me own story. This had a limit of 2000 words. I decided to use the topic of domestic violence for this story however, it is all fiction.
Although, this is a piece of fiction, the story was based from the perpetrator’s point of view. It shows how he has picked a woman who he believes he can mould. Even though there was description in the piece, there were mistakes which had been overlooked in the editing process.
The story was switching tenses and it made it harder to follow. Also, silly mistakes were made for example, ‘He asks me’ at the end of a speech should have been ‘he asks me.’ The ‘h’ needed to be lower case and not a capital letter. A question mark was put in when an exclamation mark should have been there instead.
In one part of the story, the narrator sounds too naive and this wasn’t obvious until the feedback came in and I re-read the passage again. So, as practice I have been re-writing the story in order to fix the flaws and make myself more aware of the issues. However, halfway through the piece of fiction, it was said the story read well, as it portrays the narrator in a negative light. Although, in the second half of the story I was spelling things out rather than ‘showing’ the reader.
Even though the story was powerful, if I had shown more rather than tell then it would have been easier to read and less generic as it didn’t shed any new light on the characters. As I said before I am re-doing this piece in the hopes it can and will improve.
Finally, I did pass the assignment but if mistakes had not been made then the score would have been higher. Editing seems to be my weakness and I will need to focus on this in order to have improvements on my marks.
Next week I will share the feedback I received which helped shape my finally assignment, EMA…